Thursday, January 26, 2006


I'm the youngest of 3 sisters. After spending any decent amount of time with the 3 of us, you would never doubt that we are a) 100% blood-related and b) totally insane. We all talk the same, have the same laugh, same sense of humor, same color of hair, taste in music, blah, blah blah.

This was not always true. There were many times when I felt like I was destined to be The Weird Sister. First, they were both living in LA. I was in San Francisco. Then they both got married. I was going through 3 boyfriends about every 4 weeks. Then they started having babies. The only thing close to me having babies was “Spydie”, my hanging Spider Plant. Then they both bought houses, and all they ever talked about was designing or landscaping them. I couldn't even afford to wash my sheets, let alone wonder whether sateen or Egyptian cotton was best. They just kept growing up and getting all mature, and I kept resisting, because, seriously, WHO CARES WHETHER YOU PLANT A BOUGAINVILLEA OR A CRATE MYRTLE TREE? Gah.

I proceeded on, determined to be Totally Unique, absolutely positive that getting married and having kids would like, seriously, never be me. I dated a baseball player, a musician, an aspiring actor. I tried to be a poet for like 3 weeks. I thought about being a personal trainer for 5 minutes. I even seriously considered going to design school after I'd already spent like 8 million dollars on my college education.

Then. I met Jeff. And subsequently, gave in to being...ME. I started watching HGTV and Law and Order. I stopped spending entire paychecks on something because it had a recognized label on it. I stopped caring about which band was playing at the Viper Room that week. And a Bougainvilla would totally be better there, Sandy, because it's a vine, not a tree. Duh.

I'm in a place I never imagined would suit me. But it does, it fits me better than anything else I tried. It was like I was forcing Jimmy Choo's on my designed-for-flip-flops feet. I'm more excited about what diaper bag I carry than knowing whoever the hell that Kanye West guy is.

BUT. I have my limits. There is ONE THING my sisters do that I SWEAR ON HOLY HEAVEN I will not start doing.


Oh, what, for the love of Mary, is so fun about using squiggle scissors to cut out a picture, and whathehell is a sizzix?

My sisters love to scrapbook so much that once they went up to our family’s lake house and spent the entire time inside. They even forgot to eat a couple meals because they were so into it. The thought of being stuck at a dining room table for days, putting PALM TREE STICKERS next to pictures of my trip to Mexico, is about as thrilling as…I can’t even think of something so awful.

And they’re so disappointed in me. After all, I’ve come so far, with the whole getting married and pregnant thing. I even went from borrowing 8 bucks so my checking account won’t be in the red to balancing my checkbook in an excel spreadsheet linked to my budget. They just assumed that scrapbooking would be the next logical step for me.

I'm so insistent that I will NEVER start that forsaken hobby, but they just do things like pat my shoulder and said “You’re totally going to want to scrapbook your wedding.” Uhhh… 15 months later, I have managed to get all my pictures IN A FREAKING ALBUM and that just about sent me to a psychiatrist begging for Geodon.

Now they’re saying, “Just wait till you have your baby. You’ll totally want to create a special album for them to look back on when they’re older.”

To which I say, just to piss them off, “Nooooo, I find nothing wrong with the way Mom did it. You know, throw all the pictures into a file box in no chronological order whatsoever. That way we won’t be able to tell the difference between any of the baby pictures. You know, Amy, like that baby picture you submitted to the yearbook’s ‘Guess Who’ section that really ended up being a picture of me?”

Any hobby where I have to purchase crap from a store with a name like “Once Upon A Memory”, where paper costs like $1.75 a sheet is, like, so not me.

*I have to say, this is not meant in any way to bash scrapbookers. I do not think you all are wackjobs for enjoying that hobby. In fact, I admire your patience, attention to detail and ability to sit down and focus for 5 hours straight without so much as a potty break.


Silly Hily said...

Amen sister!

caselle said...

Okay, I will quit patting your shoulder and saying "just wait" on ONE condition and ONE condition ONLY... that you do ONE "crapbooking" event with us. Just ONE... and it is not because we want to torture you or force you into a hobby you will hate. But, we have a lot of fun and it would be so much fun to have you with us. You may be surprised and find that you enjoy it and will be shocked at how an hour will fly by. (opposite time phenomenon of working out) Come on, just ONCE!!! I will even pay for and donate any supplies you need!! Love,
Your Biggest Sis

Isabel said...

I have never wanted to scrapbook either. But for other reasons...mostly because (as you mentioned) who wants to pay $1.75 for a piece of paper? That crap is just too expensive for me.

But I do like looking at ones my friends have made.

And did I tell you that my best friend gave me a PRE MADE scrapbook at my baby shower? All I have to do is insert pictures and journal what's the baby has done for the month. So perfect.

(I love that you have become your sisters. That is so sweet!)

Artist Formerly Known as Ella said...

I tried scrapbooking and bought lots of stuff, but can never find the time to dedicate to doing it. And I find that it is not fun if you do it alone. I only have one friend who likes to do but she lives so far that I don't get to see her as often as I'd like too.
So if your not going to be into it than it is not worth starting.

Jenna said...

Way to $$$$ of a hobby that evolves paper and stickers in my book!

Megan said...

I've never scrapbooked and never will. I'd rather just go to the store and buy an album. Especially because it's probably cheaper.

Have you ever seen that show on TLC with the packrats and they help them clean out their houses? Everyone on there has roomfuls for scrapbooking stuff. No way will I do that!

Anth said...

I completely agree with you on the scrapbooking. Too much money, too much time. I give myself props if I get the pics in an album in a timely manner.
When my husband threw out the idea of moving to Idaho, one of my first questions was, Do you think they would make me scrapbook? They being ladies in Idaho. Ha ha
Of course, I spend lots of money & time on crocheting, so I guess I just pick a different poison.

Latin's Lady said...

Video slots on the web has a fan club of there own, people just can’t get enough. Even when news slots are launched by the different software developers they get a standing ovation and are attacked with an intensity of a wolf mother protecting her cubs. It is like the New Years sale in Bond street where the entire population of crazy housewife’s fight over every garment and will draw blood if need be.

Lucky us the since the slots are online there is no such thing as a queue and you can play when you want. You don’t even have to get dressed.

Not that this has any relevance to who plays slots and who don’t. There is clearly according to the latest polls more women playing slots then men. Men seem to drift towards the poker and table games. But here is something us men have to watch out for, they are coming. And they are also coming in swarms.

And since we men can not do more then one thing at a time (at least that is what the women say) we are in trouble. Take Blackjack, they should be better at handling two and three hands then us. Texas Hold’em is up for grabs because of the pace and many factors in the game. So when you are playing against a women you might want to hold on to your chips (and maybe your hart as well) she could end up owning both of them. Women know we are simple beings, and do have this factor over us when playing face to face. All men are suckers to a nice smile, so in all fairness any poker game that has both men and women in it should be played online.

At least you will not be distracted by that nice perfume drifting in from the women next to you. It is so faint but a man has certain instincts and will try to get a good sniff. So leaning in (ever so careful) I still get booted from a game for trying to look at other peoples cards. And I had a straight lined up. Even the big smile I got from the women next to me did not really soften the blow of getting booted. At least the dealer understood me and just told me to take a break for a while. That is my 2 cents worth on the topic of women and gambling.

Signing off for now and heading towards the slots, someone told me there is a good chance of meeting women there. At least that is what they tell me on